Spinning
by Himmelslied
Summary: After a rather uncomfortable encounter with his Captain, Spock starts avoiding Jim. While Spock meditates in order to get control over himself and his feelings Jim comes to see what has gotten into his first officer. Kirk/Spock. Rated T to be safe. Enjoy!


**Spinning**

The last few weeks had been rather occupied. The Enterprise had had to attend meetings on different planets in the universe and therefore the crew was stressed. It was early that morning after his shift that the Vulcan first officer had settled in his quarters in order to meditate about various things that consumed his mind lately. It had only been a few weeks after the incident with Nero and the Narada that he and Uhura had broken up. She had said, that she could no longer take his unemotional self. Spock had only then realized that he did not feel anything about that but a certain anger towards the woman. When their relationship had started she had always told Spock that she'd understand the way he was and that she did not care. It was now only logical that he felt not sad but only angry with Uhura.

Then Spock had started to recognize his Captain hooking up with their new crew member Gaila, who was in charge of the phasers. He had first heard of Gaila from Uhura who had been her roommate during the academy. And when Spock had just yesterday entered his Captains rooms – without awaiting permission to do so, since it had been early in the morning – he had seen Gaila and Jim during rather embarrassing actions on his bed.

The Vulcan had turned a dark shade of green and excused himself rather quickly. Spock had always known that his Captain was a ladies man but he would have never imagined that he was sexually quite as active as the rumors said that were spreading on the star ship.

Due to this unwelcome state of affairs Spock felt various other emotions emerging up under his seemingly calm face. Some anger, just like with Uhura but also there was this quite unpleasant stab in the area of the Vulcans heart.

Now almost eleven month after the incident with Nero Jim and Spock got along rather well. They had gotten to know each other in the hours during their shifts and knew what the other would think of different situations. Spock had found a good friend in the human with those piercing, steel blue eyes. Spock had learned that those eyes could sometimes see right through his vulcan facade.

Thinking about those blue eyes of Jim made Spock's head and thoughts spin. That was an effect that the black haired found recently reappearing while meditating. Since the unpleasant encounter the day before Spock had tried to avoid Jim for the sake of the crew and their current missions. He did not wish for the trustful atmosphere on the ship to be affected by such mere human feelings. It only occurred to Spock then that there had to be more he felt despite the stabbing in his heart area. His eyebrows furrowed and he went deeper into his meditation. As soon as he did so his head began to spin once again filling with various moments he and Jim had shared in the past month. Many of them had burned deep into Spocks mind and memories.

When Spock heard a knock on his door he winced at the sudden sound, and was of course pulled out of his meditation. He opened his eyes slowly and stood up adjusting his clothes in order look as neatly dressed as always. He found a neat and clean appearance was important. „Who is it?", asked Spock and went to answer the door. Pushing the button on the display the face of Jim appeared on the screen. „It's me, Jim. May I come in?", was the quick reply. Using his first name the Captain implied that this was a personal matter. Hesitating as he usually didn't Spock finally pushed the switch that would open his door. Sliding soundless the door opened and Jim stood in front of him. „You may.", returned the Vulcan and went on into his room, settling now on one of the chairs around his round table, in the middle of the room, and Jim did the same.

Spock had kind of feared this moment. He had known that ignoring the Captain would sooner or later come to such an encounter. But he had not wanted for it to be so soon. Jim shifted in his seat and then sat in a position he thought was comfortable. He then looked at his first officer with a rather curious eyes.

Spock returned the gaze but his face was as calm as always. Under the surface there were all those emotions spinning around trying to reach for the surface but the Vulcan didn't let them through. „What is your concern, Jim?", Spock wanted to know after some moments of silently staring at each other. „I thought you would know at least that much.", replied the human leaning back in his seat. „You have been ignoring and avoiding me ever since yesterday morning, Spock. Don't deny it, everyone has seen it. Chekov even came to my quarters this morning asking what was wrong."

Spocks face, still completely blank, did not show any reaction to that accusation. „I do not understand what you are inquiring, Jim. Please clarify."

„Ahhhg Spock!", exclaimed Jim rubbing his temples leaning forward to look Spock directly in the eyes with those stinging blue eyes of his own. „Do you really think I'm that dumb not noticing when you ignore me. Only saying what's necessary during the shifts?", he continued. „Look Spock..." Jim said now standing up from his seat. „I know that you Vulcans are not really into that kind of thing, touching and all, but you know it no reason to ignore someone. Just because you caught me with pants down."

The Vulcan raised an eyebrow and watched his Captain as he started pacing in the room. „I have to admit, Gaila has been rather pushy lately. I'm sure Uhura has told you, what happened during academy times...And I thought that had been it, but she's getting rather persistent and annoying lately. I have to say I'm actually grateful for you interrupting, she's been embarrassed ever since and stormed off of the room ashamed as hell.", Jim finally explained stopping pacing around looking at his first officer with an apologetic look.

„There is no need to apologize, Jim. I have read about the human social preferences to mate as much and often as possible.", was the only reply Spock could think of. During Jim's explanations all he could do was watching his figure pacing up and down, setting Spock's mind more and more at ease. The stabs that he had felt for the most times of the day had started vanishing into nothing when Jim had explained that Gaila was actually annoying him. Still there was an uncertainty that Spock felt deep within himself, so deep down that he could not even explain what it really was.

„It's not that those rumors on the ship are true, Spock, you know that, right?", Jim asked with exactly that uncertainty in his voice, eyes and every streak of his body.

„I do not know of any rumors.", Spock lied without hesitation. He knew very well of every single rumor that had spread on the star ship and he also knew that some of them were true. And that was something he hated to know. It made him feel sick the moment he thought of the rumors.

„Don't give me that shit!", Jim suddenly snapped at Spock, his eyebrows now furrowed. He looked angry and Spock who gave him a confused look now standing up from his former seat. „I do not...", Spock wanted to reply but Jim stormed towards him and looked at him in fury. „Really Spock! I've had enough. What the hack's wrong with you? Do you believe yourself that everything is alright? I know that there's something bothering you.", he continued staring right into Spock's eyes. That was the moment, when the thoughts and feelings in Spock's mind started to spin again. He slowly walked over to his bed and set down on it.

He knew perfectly well, that nothing was alright. He knew that what he felt about Jim and Gaila was jealousy. He knew that he wanted to be the only person, Jim would spent his time off duty with. He knew that there was so much more he wanted from Jim. But could he actually admit it to himself or even Jim?

The Vulcan looked up at Jim, who had continued ranting about Spock's behaviour, until Spock had turned almost white and shakily walked over to his bed. He now sat beside the black haired young man and looked at him with worried, blue eyes. Spock returned Jim's gaze with sorrowful narrowed eyes that expressed most of all a terrible need to express what he had just felt.

„What is it?", Jim asked his voice now calm and almost warm with worry for his friend. Spock, still confused about all the emotions getting to him shook his head. „I can not explain properly."

Conducted by his feelings Spock let his thoughts spin again. And he realized something else. Jim was important to him. Very important. Important enough to make Spock want him for his own.

But he himself was also very important to Jim. Spock's opinion was important enough to Jim that he came here to set things right. He did not want for Spock to think poorly of him.

Slowly the Vulcan raised his hand to Jim's face and realization struck the Captains face. „May I?", Spock simply asked and Jim nodded.

Then room was spinning and they were both fully consumed by their feelings and memories they shared. Some were just a small blink during a mission reassuring glances that they would cover each other, some were long and meant a great deal to them like the first time they'd sat in Jim's quarters for hours playing chess. But what surprised Spock the most was that all those memories he himself cherished most were also the memories dearest to Jim.

Spock felt warmth and affection but also uncertainty and fear that seemed to emerge form all the positive feelings that Jim held towards his first officer.

That time he knew that what he felt and what Jim felt was exactly the same. They liked each other. They liked each other very much. But neither of them would have ever dared to say anything about it.

When the mind meld finally broke, both of them stared into each others eyes for a long time before Jim finally found his voice. „Well that was enlightening."

„That is certainly true.", replied the Vulcan eventually gaining his control over his emotions back but still glancing to Jim reluctant. Spock might have his control back but he still felt as though there was the need to say or do something.

After another pause of several awkward minutes Jim could not take it any longer. „So you kind of...love me?", he asked.

„Affirmative.", was all Spock could manage. That was just enough for Jim to know.

The next thing Spock knew, was that Jim hugged him tightly, stroking his back, whispering affectionate words into his pointy ears. When they parted to look at each other again Jim pulled Spock towards him and crushed their lips together. At first Spock did not react at all. All he could feel were Jim's warm hands still stroking his back up and down. His head was again spinning with all the emotions that again surfaced but then he responded hesitant. When both of them grew out of air they finally broke apart breathing heavily.

Then Jim stood up glancing down at Spock who was still looking at his captain with a rather puzzled look Jim thought was priceless.

„I will meet you in fifteen minutes in my quarters.", Jim said before finally leaving a still confused Spock alone.


End file.
